something precious

the air is kinda heavy tonight attracting heavy thoughts, thoughts that make you wonder and sad, revoking guilty feeling. do you still remember those people in your yesteryears? the people you hangout, or those same faces you grow up with?

i was in my hometown a couple of weeks ago, balik kampung. i felt bad to know that my uncle got sick, and i suddenly got scared. really really scared. it ain't that serious but somehow it put me back on solid ground, reminding me of life cycle. i was once young, and they were too but now, i am a kid no more. we grew older and they become quite old, themselves. yeah, they become quite old.

i remember once i had an empty aquarium back in the days. i would fill fishes caught from the nearby Liawan river and it was kinda empty in the end. so my uncle brought me to the deserted paddy field just outside the Dangulad village to get some water plants. it was back the days of the 1996's deadly storm, Greg the stupid. huh. most of the field was destroyed and what was left are the ruins and pieces of broken shattered dreams of those lifes who got crushed during the storm, their belongings. you could still heard n felt the moans in every step you took into the land.

i wanted to get a Lotus but it was kinda hard to pull it out from the roots. i took a couple of unknown gift of nature back home, decorated my aquarium and it became one of the piece of beauty nature ever gave me, thanks to him. it was a really really beautiful memory, kept in a very beautiful chest in a very special place in the heart.

of course, there are those times when we need to get older and have to travel places to pursue our ambitions, there are things have to be left behind. somehow and unnoticely, promises and dreams of the old are forgotten and shattered. what's left today are only those dread dreams you are living in and guilt, becoming the person we are not suppose to be. grapes become so sour and rotten.

im kinda afraid of losing. to lose something so precious.

im glad it's already December, though. it's time for family to get together and united as 1. to have fun and good laughs, and dance and talks. a very good time to grow old together, for the moment, while it still last.

so sad ;(