Wednesday, June 13, 2012

hello. is anyone out there? it's dark. cold. and empty. despair.

Monday, December 20, 2010

some few days before 2011

it's been a long hiatus. life took a new turn, turning and turning and turning, not stopping at any point, the distance keeps going farther and farther, away to oblivion. this journey is far from over. sigh.

2010 is really a year worth to remember. with all the fun and happy moments, it closed with my mom's passing. she's in heaven now and in good hands. imagining her in that white shining robe and a golden halo hovering her head, not forgetting a pair of wings. death, it isn't so bad. beautiful.

yet, the feeling of letting go isn't some easy stuff. although, this emotional sickness is a godly struggle but i don't want to be sad forever. i want to celebrate for her coming to the kingdom of heaven. i bet she's looking down now and smile. i promised her that we'd see each other again in the afterlife. i pledged my promise with a rose in her house box. i ought to be good now.

for those people out there who are suffering from cancer, death is just a path to eternal life. Dying in your Cross of salvation and do have faith in it. it might just be your ticket to the kingdom of God, as promised.

love your mom coz when she's gone.. blood tears won't mean anything.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


it's been awhile since i last dropped my present here. kinda like 2 months ago.

i developed into a more darker person since, i guess. while life got plunged into a chaotic stage and thanks to everyday's thoughts, heavy as fuk, burden of a thousand tons hammer, life is a continuous unhappy story.

hiatus, yes, but tragedies aren't stopping at any point, you see, yet raging unstoppable, piercing all the way through illness to financial to mass failures. simply a winning disaster.

you make me so unhappy ohhh life ohh life. you keep love to yourself ohh life ohh life. makes me want to put it in a song ohh life ohh. you treat me harsh ohh life ohh life

so unfair, i say.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

discrimination of height

so i woke early this morning full spirited and a strong will to secure an interview slot for a federal job. i have put a lot of effort, time and of course the money, since the beginning of the year just for this one shot. i even put on a diet just to lighten my body for a 2.4km morning run.

what happened was..these dudes from semenanjung were taking charge on the examination. so no sabahan examiner for the physical tests, meaning, no cheating whatsoever..or like always, ada tolong-tolong sikit la.

just imagine, i've been suffering, forcing my brain to read a 600+ pages book reading a lot of bullshits for a whole damn week just to get through the first stage and suddenly this dude was saying things like ok no compromise to anything regarding on the physical figures. no means no and fail u go. i was like holly shit. u know, most of us sabahan are born short, including me. so one by one got knocked out from the hall. i was short of a tiny bit of CMs and i got fucked up.

my question is, what if all the smart people in malaysia are short ones, what'd become to the nation? this is a broad daylight discrimination, of fucked up people who are playing a smart ass.

as if i wish to be born a short. come on. use the brain la, the brain.

sabah punya matter pun mau orang lain yang handle.. come on la. nda juga pandai habis2 tu PTI.

wake up la oii.

Friday, August 20, 2010

dont be so rude la...aiyoo

and it's fasting season again and hari raya is around the corner..lai lai angpau.

anyway, i was at the bank, of our own LOCAL bank and yeah, i know it's fasting season and most of them bankers are tired and hungry or whatever but come on, serve your customers rightfully.

i was doing some cash deposit with 6 different names on my bank-in slips and this fellow at the counter was asking me blindly why do i have 6 when i only have 5 account books. i was like .. oh my gawd, look at the names!!! don't just questioning me machine-gun-like when it's your job to keep it in checked. i don't like your attitude. rude. i don't see why he need to question me rudely as if fasting approves you to act like one. end with chapter 1.

now it's chapter 2.

there was an old Chinese guy standing behind me at the counter just now. one'd know at first glance that this elder is the kind of random people you don't usually see doing business at the bank. he was waiting for his turn queue-ing behind me holding his faded yellowish account book, he looked so out of place. he was mumbling and i overheard the word 'mau cek balance'.

i guess fasting really make some people a lazy idiot. this dude on the counter, he rather do the ribbons to make flowers rather than entertain this old man. it kinda made a tiny bit of my blood boiled. the old man just wanted to update his book, for God's sake. come on, do your free pahala la wei. so later on he took the book and start questioning. so the old man asked for an update and another bit of my blood boiled by the reply, "baru saja update ni". aiyoooo just update la the book when people asked for an update. you SHOULD know by then that this old man was waiting in hope for a transfered cash la! why so idiot la these people.

"ada masuk rm450"...some more of my blood boiled when he told the old man while looking at some other place. kau ingat tu orang papan playwood ka. look at him la while talking, bastard. i accidentally saw the amount of money in the book and yeah enough to survive until the end of the month, i guess. so i look at the old man, he was like standing there blurred so i know he wanted to widraw the money. i guess the dude knew the old man's intention and he ran off from the counter. kurang asam!!!

"pssstt.. psttt" .. the old man waved at the guy saying he wanted to widraw RM100. so he gave the slip and went off again. the old man was again blurred, didn't know what to do. i was dealing with another teller and was just about to teach the elder what to do when the dude came again pointing 'write ur name here',' ic here', 'amount here', 'sain'. i was just about to erupt with anger, thanks to the rudeness of people during fasting. don't be so rude to people who know nothing about everything. teach him to fish and he shall go fishing the next day, by himself!

so im off to keningau now. gonna be a boring 2 hours drive..yet, again.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

jangan tinggal daku

such a beautiful piece. all time favorite. not lying.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

denying their super egos

it's a good feeling to deny someone else's super ego without saying a word, just by choosing the opposite opponent of a football match lol. it's a very very nice feeling, i must admit. i somehow made good choices during this world cup campaign, to crush everyone's concrete ego to ground flat.

everyone seems to know everything even before the match is on. as if everyone's now, each one of them is given a pair of GOD's eyes to be able to see every wrong and right off the teams i am siding JUST because i choose an opponent side.

I've never been an England die hard fan, not even once. i really hope they won't qualify into the second round. that will surely silent most of the noisy hu ha hu ha posers haha.

i don't mind at first but the more the matches are played, the more dumb superiority they are showing. the thing is, most of the time they were wrong about it but to show them the idea of having my own support means i have to get through a series of egoism-superiority bombardment. though, it's only a friendship rivalry, this is still a self-exile.