confession of the unheard

here goes my first release under the name Marion Dust. the song was written and recorded together with Christoper Pereira a.k.a Decipher way back in 2006. the lyric was written by Jodane Jodani. well most if it. we invited her to contribute vocal for the song coz she has a sexy tone lol. well enjoy listening.

survey

i went to Karamunsing yesterday to get some items for my newly 'revived' cpu. need a new LDC monitor and a 1 Gig RAM. Was just getting second hand items since i already have a new mini laptop which looks like a century old, which i don't know what have happened to it lol. anyway, i've learnt my lesson for not doing surveys before getting the goods. i ended up paying more than the actual price. i bought a 500 mb DDR2 RAM for rm95 and nearly spent rm300+ for a second hand monitor.

i had to buy a 'connector' in order to use a specific 'brand' monitor so i went and search for it in a bargain shop where i stumbled with the same DDR2 RAM which i just bought for only rm70 and a pretty decent monitor, which is BETTER, BIGGER and CHEAPER than the previous one. i was like...WTF???!!!!! the shop even have a 1 gb RAM for only rm125!!! i felt cheated, fuk!!!

...and so i bought the monitor from the shop and felt a bit ease. rushed back home and assembled that old pc but the wireless receiver has already broken. so here i go again, hunting for another item. it's troublesome to do surveys but..ngeh.

there are a lot of good things lying around the corner so do surveys before spending some hard earn money on em' good stuff.

demo songs back in 2003 and all the way to 2006

took the effort to repair my dekstop PC. cost me a few bucks. thanks to a good friend of mine for lending me a hand to actually 're-do' all the hard parts hehe. had to belanja him makan, though. i need to listen back to all my previous songs, written for La Sagos or my bed room project band SilverSoil but i cannot access em due to the CPU malfunction.

thanks to the internet for being a time capsule, allowing me to trace back to some of the sample tracks i used to work on during the sleepless nights.

here's a link to Silversoil random tracks http://www.i-bands.net/audiovault/bands/1659/music.php

check out the bass kicks in natagak lol and also the drumming by adam k. in Percussion Queen.

here's a link to La Sagos 3 first demo http://www.i-bands.net/audiovault/bands/1706/music.php

please don't bother with the singing haha. i wasn't supposed to sing my own songs lol but due to no one was willing to be the voice of the band, so i was forced to take that role huhuhu. it was supposed to be an instrumental band all the way but it somehow changed course.

Away From Me is taken from our 2nd demo record. Deep Voice taken from our 1st demo, recorded in a small recording room back in 2003 and is dedicated to our hometown keningau, thanks for the good memory.


Away From ME (lyrics by sweet p.)

hold my breath as this world starts to take its toll
i hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfold
but oh GOD i feel like i've been lied to
lost all faiths in the things i've achieved

i've woken now to find myself
in the shadow of all i've created
im longing to be lost in you
wont u take me away from me

crawling through this world
as disease flows to my vains
i looked into myself but my own heart has been changed
i cant go on like this
i loathe of i've become
i cant go on like this
take me away from me

lost in a dying world, i reach for something new
i've grown so weary of this life i've live

check out Bleed Alone, man. still sounding so fresh in my ears hahaha. minus the vocal effort lah LMAO!!! ;D

La Sagos was a 3 piece-band.

was thinking to re-record some of the tracks but i need a lot of helps from a lot of people to actually do it. is there anyone willing to lend a hand?

lyrics

was having a video conference with a friend in K.L talking about music and own stuff. though i have already packed all my gears away, letting em rot and dusted. sealing them away to oblivion (hahaha) but surprisingly, i found the book i used to write my lyrics on, while searching for something else. not expecting to ever saw it again, though.

i spent some years writing songs and lyrics to my previous bands but am not participating with any nowadays, writing taste bitter when i don't have friends to jam with. well whatever, i just want to share some of my own writings back then. fueled with teenage angst mindset, it was. rebelling with no cause.


come visit me (2004)

come down and visit me
desperation is everywhere, come release me

sitting on the edge where every thing is falling
falls down on me
it's hurting me bad
hurting me bad

cradle broken glasses, vision to my self has disappeared
take me away for eternity

sitting on the edge where every thing is falling
falls down on me
it's hurting me bad
huring me bad

give me love

it's invisible, you can't see
but i need you to feel
and it's all i ever have for you
it's my love

come down and save me
come visit me


surfing the air (2004)

nice, it's nice to stay alive
but nothing really meant anything
the deepest sin is what you'd die for

no, no trust to the world
it's getting sicker than sick now
so fast it becomes a disease
and so we are ill

the world is some kind of paranoia
bringing me back an old memoria

we're surfing the air
love for what you see
we're surfing the air

don't, don't judge me for your GOD
long have i believed
i never did you wrong

stand, stand for what is real
it always becomes your reality
and reality is here in your eyes


langit biru (2004)

kabulkan lah mimpi menjadi satu realiti
kau idamkan semuanya di dalam fantasi ini
dunia ini, bayangan wajah sendiri
kau genggam awan tapi ia terlepas pergi

langit biru, sinarkan ku pelangi, biarkan ia mewarnai
kerana hidup ini hanya lah satu realiti yg pasti

kau anggap semuanya milik mu sendiri
sayang, tiada benda yang dapat kau bawa pergi
sinarkan jalan ku, hitam pahit ku tak mengerti
ku genggam awan tapi ia terlepas pergi

ku sedar, dunia ini hanyalah sementara


beautiful mind (2004)

it was a beautiful day, always be remembered
but how am i supposed to know i'll regret in times like these
it's paranoia, everything's crazy
life assure death, as dead as it can be
life's a broken mirror, always is the same
it reflexes all the stains, now i can't see

i wish i could be there with you

not that i don't believe
but the world turns its back on me
all my thoughts, they're burying me alive
(all my dreams, they ain't my reality)

my life's a tragedy, tale of broken promises
how'd you like to be part of me?
sense of trust is dying lately but i think it's okay
i like feeling things better this way
i'm still here and you went ahead but i don't care it anymore

live your live the way you're hating me


awaited day (2003)

cold nights and empty dreams
stepping hollow and all gone away
you stayed in doubt, i'd wonder why
you ran away, ohh, i say please stay

sorry i wasn't there to face you
so many things unclear, made me to forget myself
now that i have lost you but we live for tomorrow
i'll get you, one of these days

days went behind, but i'm still missing you
thanks for every thing you've done
but things seem so still

today, i'm still here watching you
waiting for the day
i know you can't see me here
but my words won't just fade in time


turn ugly (2002)

... and it comes to be a perfect world and all it's creation
and you're beautiful
i know, i know it's you and everything you do
it makes everybody wants you
yeah, yeah i like you but i don't know whether you'd like me too?

but everything is gonna be alright
it's just me and my low life self pretension
you're the savior, you're the angel
and i'm just another worst part of creation


these are some of the lyrics in my early years that never made it for a proper recording. Come Visit Me made it in the second demo record together with Away From Me and Bleed Alone, and became the fuel starter to our trademark of the previous La Sagos' dark sounding and writing skills. tales which were taken from harsh circumstances which certain people went through everyday, every second and for eternity. and also depression.

yeah, i would love to do a performance again, jamming to these songs or others, many more in my catalog. i have plenty to boast around hahaha. i would love to record all my songs, so give me some fund my friends and i'll give u a nice record to listen to :P

positive

i've been listerning to a bunch of good stuff recently. Had a few quotes stuck in my head. some are really powerful quotes, yes.

"If you get down and you quarrel everyday,

You're saying prayers to the devils, I say."

- Positive Vibration, Bob Marley-

im not 'that' religious nor do i care if anyone even care to understand that quote, but when it comes to the devil, i am sure of one thing, it brings no good vibes, bad deeds all over. it is so beautiful that i can't seem to stop saying it, over and over and over again. seems so magical, it helps me to think consciously and calmly even in bad days, to treat people in a good manner and to see people as human beings who depends entirely on emotion and other people's kindness.

people says when you're too blind to see the dim lights lurked in your darkness, without noticing it, you will lead a campaign to put everyone down and that chain will eventually grow wild, an invitation for other people to take part in it.

when someday you realize the bad deeds done to other people, those fragile lives have already been doomed with scars in which bares your name. it will hurt you until death claims you back, im tellin' ya. the devils play their cards right, crushing 2 hearts in one go.

not that i want to preach of good and evil here, just sharing what i think best for me and maybe, both of you and me, if it ever hit you and your concern. the world might just become less complicated, i guess. maybe, one day we can share and eat warm meal from the same pot together, happily. sharing some love to the world.

diggin' my way back to keningau

it's a long long way journey back, a 2 hours boredom. arrrrr ... anyone wants a free ride home?

a fair share

yes, im still alive if anyone ever wondered, just on hiatus mode these days. not that i dont have the time to update this haunted crap site but it's more like "i dont really know what to talk about and how to start anything". with all the 'small serious talks' being done, things started to overflowing, and overpowering. stress is building up exponential, rocketing up high.

all the hu-ha rush is sliding on the fast lane. the thing is, im still shocked and blurred, hard to catch up. everything seems too far from reach. pieces flocking together so fast and thoughts become burdens. nights instead become my nightmares having not the urge to sleep, let alone a good night sleep. my body clock is about to collapse. my 6a.m is now becomes a 6p.m and vice versa, only the days past without ever changing its current daily basis. it's 2.40a.m now and i'm just about to take dinner.

i have a "magical box" in my room where i usually keep some stuff as tokens of remembrance to those years i left behind, more like a time capsule or a diary, some kind of guidance i held onto. yes, i have a very very bad record in keeping my memory intact so i use the box as an alternative method since study years. i took it out last week and took an amount of time to peek everything lies inside.

it scares me when i can't even remember like 70% of the stuff, more or less, my memory. i was like, where was i during those years? and what actually happened? i dont deny that most of my memory slips by from time to time, but this is getting ridiculous now. this is getting sooooooo lame, because i sometimes can't remember something even just by a mere 5 minutes gap. so don't blame me if i cant remember your name, it's not that i intentionally forget you, i am forced to forget. working as a record keeper, this is a nightmare.

red and green packets, got em from my grand elders more than a decade ago. there were times when i don't have any money left to spend for food during my study years but instead of using the money inside the packets, i keep em safe and sound. these are some of the memories i can definitely held on to, when it comes to them. sad though, they all have left for good, leaving me with good luck charms for years to come. and i also found a small envelope filled with a bunch of old rm1, rm5, rm10, and some international currencies. didn't see that coming, though. i was kinda surprise, even more.

i had this letter sent to me with a 'gelang tangan' by... can't remember who hahaha. man, a lot of stuff were sent to me by random senders. guess i quite famous last time eh?? lol

here's another one by a chinese lady, suzane?? one of many key chains i received from time to time.

ok i definitely cannot remember who gave me this haha.

i had a crush with a girl whom nickname is chalot during the old days. we are the best of friends since we were around 13? or 14? i was in a different secondary school. it's funny though, even after a full 11 years of trying to win her heart, she ended marrying a different guy. but i had fun, and so did her, i guess. the best part was the way we keep that relationship fresh by sending a fully hand written of 10 pages letter every week or so. hahaha. a very conservative way of cinta monyet. we did phone calls and SMS but that didn't deliver the addictive fun. distance somehow an enemy when studying in kolompo and the other part stayed just next to the Philippines islands, Sandakan. the relationship was broken when another guy took the best part around 2002 and the picture above speaks the most of the history, it has been an 8 years unsent letter. it was supposed to be a perfect love ending but somehow it's pretty late now. the pic below shows some of the fun chain of letters.

yeah, i dreamt of meeting her in my dream last night. it's been years since our last. she have 2 children now, pretty productive, i say. how time flies so fast. i guess my memory was pretty much concentrated towards her rather than everything i went through the whole two decades haha. love was so much fun back then, the way i went through it, yes. no one ever excite me the way she did, .... just yet.