a fair share

yes, im still alive if anyone ever wondered, just on hiatus mode these days. not that i dont have the time to update this haunted crap site but it's more like "i dont really know what to talk about and how to start anything". with all the 'small serious talks' being done, things started to overflowing, and overpowering. stress is building up exponential, rocketing up high.

all the hu-ha rush is sliding on the fast lane. the thing is, im still shocked and blurred, hard to catch up. everything seems too far from reach. pieces flocking together so fast and thoughts become burdens. nights instead become my nightmares having not the urge to sleep, let alone a good night sleep. my body clock is about to collapse. my 6a.m is now becomes a 6p.m and vice versa, only the days past without ever changing its current daily basis. it's 2.40a.m now and i'm just about to take dinner.

i have a "magical box" in my room where i usually keep some stuff as tokens of remembrance to those years i left behind, more like a time capsule or a diary, some kind of guidance i held onto. yes, i have a very very bad record in keeping my memory intact so i use the box as an alternative method since study years. i took it out last week and took an amount of time to peek everything lies inside.

it scares me when i can't even remember like 70% of the stuff, more or less, my memory. i was like, where was i during those years? and what actually happened? i dont deny that most of my memory slips by from time to time, but this is getting ridiculous now. this is getting sooooooo lame, because i sometimes can't remember something even just by a mere 5 minutes gap. so don't blame me if i cant remember your name, it's not that i intentionally forget you, i am forced to forget. working as a record keeper, this is a nightmare.

red and green packets, got em from my grand elders more than a decade ago. there were times when i don't have any money left to spend for food during my study years but instead of using the money inside the packets, i keep em safe and sound. these are some of the memories i can definitely held on to, when it comes to them. sad though, they all have left for good, leaving me with good luck charms for years to come. and i also found a small envelope filled with a bunch of old rm1, rm5, rm10, and some international currencies. didn't see that coming, though. i was kinda surprise, even more.

i had this letter sent to me with a 'gelang tangan' by... can't remember who hahaha. man, a lot of stuff were sent to me by random senders. guess i quite famous last time eh?? lol

here's another one by a chinese lady, suzane?? one of many key chains i received from time to time.

ok i definitely cannot remember who gave me this haha.

i had a crush with a girl whom nickname is chalot during the old days. we are the best of friends since we were around 13? or 14? i was in a different secondary school. it's funny though, even after a full 11 years of trying to win her heart, she ended marrying a different guy. but i had fun, and so did her, i guess. the best part was the way we keep that relationship fresh by sending a fully hand written of 10 pages letter every week or so. hahaha. a very conservative way of cinta monyet. we did phone calls and SMS but that didn't deliver the addictive fun. distance somehow an enemy when studying in kolompo and the other part stayed just next to the Philippines islands, Sandakan. the relationship was broken when another guy took the best part around 2002 and the picture above speaks the most of the history, it has been an 8 years unsent letter. it was supposed to be a perfect love ending but somehow it's pretty late now. the pic below shows some of the fun chain of letters.

yeah, i dreamt of meeting her in my dream last night. it's been years since our last. she have 2 children now, pretty productive, i say. how time flies so fast. i guess my memory was pretty much concentrated towards her rather than everything i went through the whole two decades haha. love was so much fun back then, the way i went through it, yes. no one ever excite me the way she did, .... just yet.