Wednesday, November 25, 2009

meja9 begins

so here's another blog journey from me meja9. no more 'walking in a circle', though, i kinda like it very much but it matters no more, the server went down and was never repaired. cant remember when was the last time i blogged. another one more month to go and the door will be closed forever, good bye 2009. couple of things happened through out the year but i had fun. old faces remain, and im happy for that. Thank God.

it was a very stressful year i must say. though, some important events happened. after more than 2 decades of self imprison, i had enough. it's time to open up windows to the outside world of beautiful flowers and butterflies, clear blue sky and whatever good things they might be. so many steps to catch up with, so many flaws to refine too. Reinventing whatever invented during the days of old. pure black and heavy thoughts. changes occur in time so.. i guess i've changed a bit. not like it matters to the world nor the person sitting next to me, even.. it's just that, i don't change like everyday, no? :)

cant remember when though, i met a girl during Sunday prayer. i was sooooooo wanting to know her name and all. it's a sad sad world, i just couldn't do it, even just to say a simple Hi. that was when i realized that i am too scared to get connected with people other than the ones i knew. that was kinda scary. there is a thick wall built right in frond of me, pushing me back, away from the reach of people. 'Acceptance' is one crazy shit. life made me think like such.

it took me months and a couple of brainwashing to be able to talk to her.. and that's it. the day i talked to her was the last day she would be here. puffff...she got transfered to somewhere else. life ain't that fair though, just that we couldn't quit playing roles on the chessboard. thanks to her, im quite happy with my new found joy. now i can talk to random people again, no problem.

it's not that people can't be changed. it's how they gain help n guidance that matters. people with self-hatred are the most troublesome to handle with. the faith of changing is no more than old folklores or dim dreams that never comes. if only we can understand each others more, everyone is hatred-free, i guess. but the wheel rolls though, nobody is quite 'everything' and not everyone can be there. not everyone can easily changed, sad, it is. reality bleeds, for real.

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